Here’s Why I Want To Ban The Word Should
If i could ban a single word from my clients’ vocabulary it would be should.
All week long I hear a variation of the following:
I should lose weight
I should eat better
I should work out more
I should clean out the closet
I should organize my house
Before we’ve even said our hellos I’ve heard a long list of all the things that they’ve done “wrong” over the week. I’m here to hopefully provide some insight as to what’s going on and stop the madness once and for all. Ready?
You don’t want to do whatever it is that comes after the word should.
That’s the issue. When we say “should” what we really mean is “there is this thing that I think I have to do and I don’t really want to, but for whatever reason I feel like it needs to be done.” Of course it isn’t happening. You don’t have a particularly compelling reason to do it. Then you know what happens when it doesn’t get done?
Guilt & Shame
We try to motivate ourselves by essentially becoming our own personal bully. We tell ourselves we’re lazy, we scold ourselves for not acting like an adult, we scowl at our images in the mirror and call ourselves fat. We say all sorts of terrible things to ourselves all in the name of “motivation”. Sometimes it works. We get out of bed and exercise, we clean the closet, we eat “better”, we do all the things on the “should” list until we just can’t handle the bully in our brain screaming at us for one second longer.
Then we stop doing the “should”. When that happens we lose a little bit of credibility with ourselves because we start to see ourselves as the person who doesn’t keep their word. We start to believe the bullies lies. After which we trust ourselves less. We stop believing that we are the type of person who does what we set out to do. Even worse, we feel shame and beat ourselves up. The inner bully isn’t silenced but grows louder with its criticism.
It’s time to break the cycle
Start to ask yourself why you want to do the thing. Be specific with your answer. Really drill down and ask yourself why you want to do it. For instance, if you think you should exercise more give reasons that extend beyond “it’s good for me”. If you can’t come up with some solid reasons for doing it, this is a clue that you’re most likely ambivalent about getting it done. If you can’t come up with some solid reasons, let it go. You never wanted to do it in the first place.
But, if you like your reasons and you’re still not getting it done, I recommend this blog about how to achieve your goals.